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A letter from Marta Bennett serving in Kenya

September 30, 2014 - A Kenyan Wedding

The line-up - is it one of these? Pelagie is the one closest in line.

 

Bringing in the groom: Pastor Joseph Mbugua, Steve Muthami (the groom) and Mrs. Mbugua

 

Bringing in the bride: Faustin Ntamushobora (father), Pelagie (bride), and Salome (mother)

 

After-wedding photo - Marta with wedding friends

 

Imani, Marta, and Justin – snorkling

 

At the Coast in July: Imani being painted with Henna

 

Justin on the bow

 

Selfie at home: back row: Dear friends Maggie Gitau & Mary Muthoni, with Marta; front row: Justin & Imani

“I’m very happy to introduce to you this morning one I call my sister-in-law,” stated Dr. Faustin Ntamushobora as he introduced me as the guest instructor to a D.Min. class at a nearby university last week.  I looked at him slightly surprised, but with a smile of remembrance.  Yes, indeed, I am directly related by blood to his wife, and thus to this wonderful Rwandese family I have known for almost 20 years.

A year or so after the 1994 genocide in Rwanda, Faustin and his family arrived in Nairobi after taking refuge in Goma, Democratic Republic of the Congo, for several months.  Once in Kenya, Faustin enrolled as a student in the master's in Christian Ministries program at Daystar University, where I was teaching at the time.  One morning I arrived at my office and found a note pinned to the door. It informed me that Faustin’s wife was very sick and was at Kikuyu Hospital.  Later that day three of us drove up to the hospital to visit his wife, Salome, and to pray with them.  As we entered the hospital compound we met PC(USA) mission co-worker Dr. Stanley Topple, who served as a member of the medical staff there at Kikuyu.  When he learned who it was we were coming to visit, he immediately became quite somber.  He informed us that her condition was very grave, that she had been admitted to give birth to their fifth child, but the baby had died in utero, and the delivery had been very difficult. Now she was bleeding heavily, and the hospital had run out of her blood type; it was uncertain whether she would survive.  When I learned that her blood type was the same as mine, the next thing I knew, I was being steered to the small building where I was able to donate blood, which, after being tested, was taken and directly transfused into her, as well as that of one other donor.  As we stood by her bedside, we witnessed her giving her last instructions to her husband, Faustin, begging him to take good care of the children.  We laid hands on her and prayed, quite alarmed, but hanging on to the small glimmer of hope that she could pull through.  If she could make it through the night and the bleeding slowed down, there was a good chance that she could recover.

The next morning when I drove back to the hospital, my heart leaped when I saw a group of Rwandese students jump up from the grass in front of the ward, grinning, jumping, waving, and proclaiming “Dieu est bon!” “Mungu yu mwema!” “God is good!”  I knew she had made it through the night and was on the road to recovery.

Fast forward to two decades later, and I still count this family as special friends, even family.  Most recently I was included in the marriage negotiations of their firstborn daughter, Pelagie.  Here in Kenya, as in most (if not all) African cultures, weddings are about the joining of two extended families.  Though it may begin by two individuals choosing to be wed, very quickly it all becomes a family affair.  Even before officially announcing the engagement, the two extended families come together for a process of negotiations.  One of the first steps in the process is for the groom-to-be to identify which of the young women in the other household is the one he has chosen.  There is much laughter and fun, as various young women of all ages line up, and he shakes his head, that no, none of them are the one he is pursuing. Finally, when yet another group is brought, he smiles and says yes, the one on the end is the one.  He then is tested—does he really know her?  They ask him questions about her that he must answer.  In the case of Pelagie, in the end he had to correctly recite her mobile phone number.  When he succeeded to everyone’s delight, Pelagie also confessed that he was the one she had chosen and then went to join him in the center chairs.  Though the parents and siblings of both the young man and young woman are present, it is the aunts and uncles on both sides who do the negotiations.  The bride-to-be’s family extol her virtues, noting what a great loss to the family it will be to let her go, and in turn the groom-to-be’s uncles propose an amount of compensation, since by cultural custom she will become part of his family.  The offers go back and forth, with side consultations throughout, and in the end an agreement is made, which could be an amount of money, cows, or other proposals.  In the case of this young couple, the two sets of parents already knew each other, one family Kenyan, the other Rwandese, but as Faustin later noted, the whole process, while being both serious and fun, is ultimately to find out what kind of people their children are marrying into, and to begin to build the alliances between the two families, which also serves to build a strong social support for the budding marriage.

The wedding of Pelagie and Steve Muthami took place last month, in August, and a joyous occasion it was.  Outside under white tents, the bridesmaids and groomsmen did not just process in, they danced all the way to their places in front, followed by the groom and his parents and the bride and her parents.  The vows were made, the marriage license was signed in the presence of us all, and prayers were said. Afterward photos were taken of one group after the other with the bride and groom, followed by a buffet-style meal served to all.  Eventually the bridal party reentered, accompanied by singing, dancing and ululating (the high shrill trilling by the women), followed by the numerous speeches and presentation of gifts. The bride and groom then cut the cake and the guests were served once again.  It was an all-day affair, a celebration of community and of ongoing life and networks of relationships.  I am honored to be woven into such a network.

Ministry and Family Updates:

  • International Leadership University continues to  press on, to grow and develop.  In October we have two major local fund-raising events, with the aim to help clear arrears, provide student scholarships, and push to the next required stage of development of facilities and resources, including library holdings and teaching personnel.  The golf tournament, led by our Board of Trustees, is on October 3 and a fund-raising dinner on October 17.
  • Justin and Imani continue to settle in at their new schools, in 9th and 11th grades.  Both have made several new good friends and have piles of homework every night (which they both note is an understatement).
  • I am working very hard to get many things in order for handing over the Deputy Vice Chancellor  of Academic Affairs position to an Acting DVCAA in January.  At that point, while still at ILU, I will focus on developing and overseeing the Ph.D. in Leadership program.  In addition I will be a bit more involved with the Ethiopia Graduate School of Theology in Addis Ababa, teaching a three-week course there in January.

 

As always, it is with deep gratitude for the support, encouragement and prayers of PC(USA) churches and individuals, which make possible all that we do.  Your support and giving make possible the training of many African leaders, who in turn are being used by God to bring training, hope and transformation to many communities.  To give financially, you may contribute through my PC(USA) mission account E200312 for individuals (see the link below and on my main webpage) or account D506057 for congregations. Every contribution makes a difference as we partner together.  

Marta

The 2014 Presbyterian Mission Yearbook for Prayer & Study, p. 135
Read more about Marta Bennett's ministry

Write to Marta Bennett
Individuals: Give online to E200312 forMarta Bennett 's sending and support
Congregations: Give to D506057 for Marta Bennett 's sending and support

Churches are asked to send donations through your congregation’s normal receiving site (this is usually your presbytery).

A group of our committed donors has pledged to match all gifts sent for mission personnel support now through December 31, 2014, up to $75,000. This means your gift today will be matched by a gift to support mission personnel around the world, wherever the need is greatest. We invite you to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity to double the impact of your gift. Thank you!

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