A letter from Farsijana and Bernie Adeney-Risakotta
September 2011
Dear Family, Friends and Colleagues,
In Indonesia it is the season of forgiveness. After the month of fasting, Indonesians celebrate Idul Fitri by visiting their relatives and neighbors to ask for forgiveness for both their visible and hidden faults (Mohon maaf lahir batin). Our neighborhood holds a Syawalan, in which there are readings and prayers from the Koran, a sermon, and then everyone shakes everyone’s hand to symbolize that we all have a new start. Our neighborhood mosque gave batik clothes to both of us to wear for the Syawalan. Unfortunately this year we could not attend. The news of Bernie’s mother’s death arrived when we were just leaving to visit our Muslim family and neighbors, to bring them gifts and ask for forgiveness. Instead we departed to the United States. Bernie’s graduate program, the Indonesian Consortium for Religious Studies, also held a Syawalan one day before we returned.
Mother Ruth died at the age of 99. She was buried on September 9 and the memorial service was on September 11. Bernie’s family gathered from all over the world. The week was much harder and much more wonderful than any of us expected. We retrieved many memories from Grandma’s long life. At the memorial service Peter performed a wonderful dance with a crystal ball for Grandma. While lifting the crystal, Peter prayed the prayer he learned from his father when he was little: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray thee, Lord, my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray thee, Lord, my soul to take.” When Peter danced it felt like he carried the soul of his grandma and lifted her in joy and love to God. Death was broken by resurrection.
Farsijana and a young activist.
For the past 15 years, when she could not care for herself, Grandma Ruth lived with Glenn and Rina (Bernie’s daughter) and their children: David, Isabel and Robbie. They call Bernie “Grandpanesia” (Grandpa in Indonesia). The children participated in all the rituals of saying goodbye to Great Grandma who lived with them since their birth.
We have been reflecting on forgiveness during our short visit to Berkeley. Forgiving was a strength of Mother Ruth. Bernie’s mother never held a grudge. Even if she did not agree with her sometimes rebellious children, she always forgave and loved them. Perhaps Bernie’s commitment to living in Indonesia and building friendships across cultural and religious barriers is inherited from his parents’ gift for honoring people who were different from them, including their own children.
A few days before the end of Ramadan (the month of fasting), Farsijana invited women and children associated with the Indonesian Women Coalition to break their fast with us at our home. Some of the women helped with the cooking for about 80 people who attended. The event included a sermon delivered by Farsijana’s Muslim colleague, Siti Ruhaini. Siti explained that forgiveness is an integral part of celebrating the end of the fast. Both Islam and Christianity teach forgiveness. A Hadith says that anger should not be kept for more than three days. Similarly, a verse in the Bible says, “Let not the sun go down on your wrath.” Before praying, we need to forgive each other. Both religions teach that God is merciful and compassionate.
Siti and Farsijana wrote an article together about women within religious traditions. The article explains how different interpretations of sacred texts have influenced women. The article is part of an anthology in response to the famous Muslim initiative for interreligious dialogue that is titled “A Common Word.” The essence of a Common Word is that both religions teach the importance of loving our neighbors.
We all need forgiveness in a world of violence. Grandma’s memorial service was carried out on the same day Americans remembered the 10-year anniversary of September 11. The impact of the tragedy gives pain for people all over in this earth. That morning we worshiped at First Presbyterian Church in Berkeley, where the sermon, on the story of Cain and Abel, focused on God’s question: Where is your brother? The tragedy of September 11 has shaped the way we understand our brothers and sisters who are different from us. We are called to create a home for all people around us to celebrate the life that God has given for all of us.
Farsijana remembers when she first encountered the hospitality of an American family with Bernie’s mother. We were not yet married and Mother Ruth wanted to get to know Farsijana. Ruth invited her over for tea, using her best china. She pushed the set on her trolley into the living room and asked Farsijana to sit on the couch. Then she went next door to invite her neighbor Phoebe to join us. Hospitality does not include just family but also neighbors.
We give thanks to our colleagues and friends in Indonesia and the United States who have supported us during our mourning for Mother Ruth. Thank you for your kindness and love. “For everything, there is a season…a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to harvest…a time to weep, and a time to laugh…, a time to mourn, and a time to dance…” (Eccl. 3:1-4).
Now we return to the time for work and life in Indonesia. We both have a heavy load of responsibilities this semester. We are teaching graduate courses to Muslim and Christian students from three universities. Farsijana continues her work with women, including grassroots women in villages and politicians in high places. We are grateful for your prayers and support.
Warm regards from Indonesia,
Farsijana and Bernie
The 2011 Mission Yearbook for Prayer & Study, p. 138
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